FTTA Update 19
a special dedication, cherishing and the real test
this email is dedicated to my dear 爷爷。most was written before, but the last section was added later.
hey y’all! it honestly feels like it’s been eons since I wrote last, even though it’s been… a week lol. It’s crazy that we are now headed into our last week!!!! We just finished finals, and the first of many lasts of the term are coming - last team time, last Monday recess, last night rooming with cassia because she flew back to Florida early (sad days, the room feels so empty without her).
As always, I loveee hearing and seeing (keep sending me aaalllll the pics pls) how you all are doing! Also, did you know that Joseph's Storehouse now has an app?! IT'S SO GREAT. I thought my heart was gonna explode when I saw how many songs they had on it. The Be Still album has been on repeat for me - let me know your faves or any messages you recommend!
Thoroughly cherished
On Monday night we had the fourth term cherishing and IT WAS SO PRECIOUS. A lot of the fourth termers (basically equivalent to the seniors of our program? the ones who are graduating.) shared their top enjoyments, learnings, and encouragements. Interspersed between, they also sing to us hymns that they thoughtfully selected. Basically, it was like one of the sweetest things I've ever had the privilege of sitting through and every single speaking was such a gem.
But there's one particular quote I've been musing on this whole week: "I need to always remember my organic union with the Triune God."
As soon as you are regenerated, Christ comes into you. We and God are not two separate entities - He is in us all the time, whatever we're doing and wherever we go! 1 Corinthians 6:17 says that He who is joined to the Lord is one spirit. But it's not like we're little inanimate legos being fitted into a bigger lego - this joining, is organic, something of life (John 15:4). At every moment, He wants to supply us with this divine life that brings grace, joy, love, and whatever else we need. When we bring Him into temporary seen moments like our morning commutes or brushing our teeth, He brings us into a deeper, unseen realm full of reality and eternity. "Our view is brought to a higher plane, our perspective becomes divine, and our life becomes full of hope."
Some other gems (lol I just realized a lot of the ones who spoke these are also on this email list. thank you for watering me!!):
"The whole Christian life is a life of joy maintenance. Every day choose to enjoy the Lord - He's the real joy giver!"
"The truth that you see becomes the prayers that you pray."
"Being open is to not be closed. Just take the first little step - the Lord will meet us halfway or even 90% of the way."
"To open to the Lord is not to promise to do anything, but just let Him do what He does best in our being: heal, shepherd, and love us."
"Our inner being might be a mess, but when we speak a point of truth to ourselves from the Word/class/reading, we stand firmly on the objective facts, look away unto Jesus, and get infused with Christ!"
"Being open is more than willing to do or go where the Lord wants us to be. He is after a bride, which is altogether in the realm of love - not a group of people outwardly obeying commands. He withholds direct answers to gain more ground in our hearts through many more tiny openings."
"To open to God is also to open to other believers because He is in them! The church is a hospital with everything from "over-the-counter" prescription (5-10 min fellowship) to hospitalization (making appointments with mature saints)".
Finals Szn
I know I talked about about exams a while back when we had midterms, but I think I realized this time around that the real test of how much we got from our classes is not the score we get, how much we can memorize, or even how well we can recap the main point in our sharings after class. The real test is in our daily living.
That's what makes being here so different from being in a college class or even a seminary school where you just study the bible. The Bible and the training are not meant to instill mere knowledge, but to change you intrinsically as Christ is wrought into you (2 Corinthians 5:5).
This should affect our reactions to daily annoyances, our interactions with others, and every facet of our living. Because living a Godly life is not a matter of performance - to suck it up, grin and bear it because that's what we think we should do - but of experiencing and expressing Christ as the tree of life for us to enjoy.
If no one has been enjoying the Lord throughout the day, when we come together it's just a group of empty people pooling together their collective emptiness - the sharing feels obligatory at best and performative at worst. In order to have a vital meeting full of mutual care and shepherding, each one needs to have an intimate affectionate time with the Lord every morning and an overcoming day filled with musing on the word and short prayer. Actually, the meeting should already start before we gather together - when each one comes singing, enjoying, and filled in spirit, the meetings will actually express Christ.
June 13th - 爷爷我爱你
this is a little different and honestly I was debating on adding this in but these emails are supposed to be weekly time capsules and 2 things made my Sunday a little more eventful than normal:
I turned 22! thank you for all the birthday messages :) also fun fact is that in the training birthdays aren't really a big deal but people make it into a joke and so I got a lot of "happy day!" or "happy Sunday!" texts. Just training things...
we got acai bowls to celebrate!! I am soo excited to go to ALL the acai bowl places in anaheim next term. In the evening, I found out that my grandfather passed away that day in Taiwan. His health had been steadily declining since I was in college, and he had been in and out of the hospital through this term. Somehow though, it was still unexpected - I really thought I would have the opportunity to visit him one last time, but I'm glad he is out of pain.
More than that, I am so, so grateful for him. It's so bittersweet - I wish I had been more diligent in learning Chinese, more consistent in joining Skype calls to him, and more present during our visits to Taiwan. I feel like I missed so many opportunities to listen to his stories, ask him more questions, and tell him how much I loved him.
But in eternity, I hope that I can find him and ask him to tell me all that was on his heart. I know how much he loved us, his grandchildren, and did so much that we could never repay: investing in our education, praying aboundingly for each one of us, and raising his own children to be wonderful parents that passed down the same wisdom and values that he instilled into them: Working hard, being focused and disciplined, trying my best, not slacking off - but also being loving, affectionate, and loving family and the Lord above all else.
When I think of my grandfather, I think of a God-man - one who was filled with God and expressed God in the midst of his daily living, upright character, and immeasurable love, care, and shepherding towards others. I think of the father who would stay up all night to make sure his children got home safely, the husband who held hands with his wife on their daily evening neighborhood walk, and the grandfather who wrote letters to his grandchildren and smiled at them with warm, twinkly eyes.
Obviously I wouldn't be here without him, physically. But in virtually every other aspect of my person, I feel like they somehow are built off of the foundation he laid for our family. I'm so happy he can finally reunite with my grandmother, and I hope they can still hold hands and take walks together. He was the best grandfather and pattern I could have asked for; I feel so incredibly blessed. The Lord truly gives us the best.
bye!!
you'll probably get one more email from me next week since this week is the last week of the term. As always, thanks for reading my ramblings and supporting me through this term through your responses, prayers, and care. Love you guys.
Alicia